*Brief Introduction*

     As long as this columns section stays open, and the generous master of the web allows my work to be posted, this column, cleverly titled "NYeC" since I live in NYC and will reference to Everclear most likely in every issue/part/volume, whatever it turns out to be. This column will talk about music on a whole, and discuss recent EC news and music news. In some issues there will be a sort of dialouge between me and a fictional character named Kahn who will portray society. I just wanted to clarify Kahn's background, and reference where I got the idea, which is from a column that no longer apears in a free paper here in NYC called NYPress, which featured a column called Dirty Sanchez, and Kahn posses traits borrowed from there. In all originality, there is room for unoriginality. -Ken

NYeC Vol 1 - 13 March 2001
- LONG LIVE NON-EC MTV -
by Ken Hansen

     As the first sounds of "Unwind" by Oleander pour out of the bass boosted surround sounded Philips Magnavox speakers that gently connect themselves by not one, but two half red half black wires to the stereo which encases the 3 cd changing tray that is spinning the disc at quite a pace, the all too familiar ambiance of a personal aquaintance aproaches the back window to the basement where I am sitting. Soon to follow, as it always does, the odd sound of the window sliding open over takes the low volume emmitting from the speakers since it is 2:30 in the morning and there is some consideration to be had for the others 2 floors away. The all too familiar image of a figure trying to squeeze through the opening it has created without knocking over the little fake tree that sits on the window sill comes into view as my spinning computer chair slowly whirls around. Open Minded Kahn, caustiously tilts his head to one side carefully examing the Oleandic sounds. Nodding his approval, Too Witty For His Own Good Kahn voices the opinion "at least it's not Everclear." Familiar with the popular worlds somewhat disaproval of Everclear I turn my back to Teeny Bopper Kahn who is telling me/convincing himself all about how onmiscient Carson Daly is, and since he doesn't play Everclear, they obviously aren't worth listening to. An omnipotent Carson Daly I could believe, but omniscient is quite the opposite of himself and the hordes of beings he dictates. As I spin back around ready to ask what is wrong with Everclear, Mainstream Kahn cuts me off and muses "Everclear... their the band with the bald guy right?", causing me to rethink my argument and perhaps just let Everclear fade out of the spotlight.

*[I was acctually asked if Everclear was the band with the bald guy about 2 months ago, they were thinking Vertical Horizon]*

     Superficial Kahn begins to amuse himself by making a who's hot and who's not list of the musical personalities that adorn my wall giving the top three spots to Mark Hoppus Fred Durst, and Brandon Boyd respectively. Wannabe Kahn informs me of how he loves Blink 182 and has both of their albums, even the one with Dammit as the name Dude Ranch escapes him as does that ever elusive fact that there was life before Dude Ranch for the boys in Blink. Self Rightous Kahn tells me how he even has the live one. Salt Pouring Kahn goes back to the Everclear wound that he opened and starts to tell me about "meaningful lyrics". "Why do you like Everclear so much when they can't write meaninful lyrics like The Backstreet Boys and O-Town?" Non Liner Notes Reading Kahn asks. I unsucessfully try to return the blow with the point that nobody in those bands plays any instrument of aquired talent, but Close Minded Kahn won't have it. Flashback Kahn counters with "Joey in New Kids On The Block played the guitar in one of their home videos", convincing himself that there was light at the end of that long dark musically challenged tunnel boy bands find themselves in. Fuzzy Math Kahn then states that the N'Sync are 8 kadrillion times way better than the New Kids anyway, so it doesn't matter if they only sing. Excited Kahn remembers the fact that those loveable boy bands can dance too, as Matter Of Fact Kahn states that he would like to see Everclear dance to their music. Knowing the uphill battle will not be won today, I lay off Big Headed Kahn, and choose to fight this battle another day, as Long Live Non-EC MTV Kahn slips out the window to get to bed so as not to be too tired after school tomorrow to miss the last minutes of VJ for a day and the ever exciting ever clearless Total Request Live.

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