Overwhleming
Alone in Our World
by Julie Kazimer
Eugene, Oregon
October 1995
Alone in our world, no one can touch us here, pain
is absent, love long gone, words meaningless and cold, drugs replacing
the hole in our souls. Nothing rules my heart, my mind, my essence,
except this needle, backed up with my blood.
Madness threatens, cold and peaceful, in its entirety,
"Please…" he begs me, as I tie his arm tightly,
grinning dreamily. He dies slowly of a junkie disease.
The room was frosty and dark, shivers racked my
naked body. Bottles of pills, bloody needles, and broken glass
littered the floor around me. His face, alive and full of promise,
staring from a broken picture frame, judging me, finding me wanting,
laughing at my attempts to climb out of the gloom, please, I beg.
The drugs ruling my psyche, my soul caught in the
layers of hell, I have created. Scar tissue covering my once clean,
white skin, see what I have become, I raged at myself, a ghost
in a dying world.
Remembering our time together, recalling the first
time you said, I love you. Remembering the day you died, in a
hospital for the walking dead.
Sitting on the bed, holding a pistol loosely in
my soft, pale hand, my life is salvage, saved by the words spilling
from a cheap plastic stereo. A voice speaking to me, a voice speaking
the words I had wanted to tell him, wanted to scream at him time
and time again, begging to leave our fucked up world:
Let's just drive your car
We could drive all day
Let's just get the hell away from here
For I am sick again-
Just plain sick to death
Of the sound of my own voice
We could leave behind
Another wasted year
Just get some cheap red wine
And just go flying…
…Forget about all the memories that keep you
down
Forget about them
We could lose them in the
Sparkle and Fade…
My choice is made, throwing the gun, back onto the
bed. Waking up from a fog, walking out the door into the weak
sunlight, looking at the map, finding Summerland.
