Sparkle & Fade (1995)

01: Electra Made Me Blind
02: Heroin Girl
03: You Make Me Feel Like a Whore
04: Santa Monica
05: Summerland
06: Strawberry
07: Heartspark Dollarsign
08: The Twistinside
09: Her Brand New Skin
10: Nehalem
11: Queen of the Air
12: Pale Green Stars
13: Chemical Smile
14: My Sexual Life

I shake the dust from this small town
I turn and follow the western wind down
I go and pack up my shiny things
And go, yeah just go

I'll find a new life in old L.A.
Yeah, stupid happy with everything
I pulled myself down so easily
I know, I know, I know

I met Electra when living down
Saw her spinning around and around
I never knew much about her past
I knew enough that I didn't ask

living isn't a simple thing
I know
No one ever said it's supposed to be
I know

July she lied...

Living isn't a simple thing for me
I know ways to make it easier

I used to know a girl...
She had two pierced nipples
And a black tattoo
We'd drink that Mexican beer
We'd live on Mexican food
Yes, I wish I could go back
Yes, back in time

Esther used to be
The kind of girl that you would never leave
She'd do anything
To give me what I need for my disease
She'd do anything
I can hear them talking in the real world
But they don't understand that
I'm happy in hell
With my Heroin Girl

I am losing myself in a white-trash hell
Lost inside a Heroin girl

They found her out in the fields
About a mile from home
Her face was warm from the sun
But her body was cold
I heard the policeman say
Just another overdose
...Just another overdose!

Esther used to be
The kind of lover you would never leave
She'd do anything to give me what I need
For my disease
She would do anything

I take your word like it was gospel
I'm so eager to please
Yeah I like it when
You talk to me

It feels so good inside your shadow
(It's the place I need to be)
Yeah I know I need to climb you
Like a tree

There is this place inside
Where all the good things die
Sometimes I feel like a whore
(Sometimes I feel like a whore)

I hate the way I am around you
(I'm so nervous and weird)
Sometimes I feel like I'm
Breathing underwater

You treat me like I am on fire
Like I'm something to eat
You make me hate what I see
When I see me

Yeah I dream of the day
When I learn how to make you pay
Someday I'll teach you to beg
Someday, someday
Yes I live for the day
When I can hear you say
You make me feel like a whore

Yes I dream of the time
When I can make you mine
(Maybe then I'll feel half alive, more
alive, so alive)
There is this place inside
Where all the good things die

You make me feel like a whore

I am still living with your ghost
Lonely and dreaming of the west coast
I don't want to be your downtime
I don't want to be your stupid game

With my big black boots and an old suitcase
I do believe I'll find myself a new place
I don't want to be the bad guy
I don't want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore
I just want to see some palm trees
Go and try to shake away this disease

We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breakers
Watch the world die

I am still dreaming of your face
Hungry and hollow for all the things you took away

I don't want to be your good time
I don't want to be your fall-back crutch anymore

I'll walk right out into a brand new day
Insane and rising in my own weird way
I don't want to be the bad guy

I don't want to do your sleepwalk dance anymore
I just want to feel some sunshine
I just want to find some place to be alone

We can live beside the ocean
Leave the fire behind
Swim out past the breakers
And watch the world die

Let's just drive your car
We could drive all day
Let's just get the hell away from here
For I am sick again-
Just plain sick to death
Of the sound of my own voice
We could leave behind
Another wasted year
Just get some cheap red wine
And just go flying

We could do the things,
All the things you wanted to
No one cares about us anyway

I think I lost my smile
I think you lost yours too
We have lost the power to make each other laugh
Let's just leave this place
And go to Summerland
Just a name on the map
Sounds like heaven to me

We could find a town-
Be just how we want to be
No one here really cares about us anyway
We could find a place-
Make it what we want it to be
No one really gives a fuck about us anyway
We could live-
Live just like we want to live
No one here really cares about us anyway
We could be-
Everything we want to be
We could get lost in the Fall
Glimmer Sparkle and Fade
The Sparkle and Fade
Fall Glimmer Sparkle and Fade

Forget about our jobs at the record store
Forget about all the losers that we know
Forget about all the memories that keep you down
Forget about them
We could lose them in the
Sparkle and Fade
We could leave them behind
In the Sparkle and Fade
Yeah Sparkle and Fade
Fall Glimmer Sparkle and Fade

Never been here, never coming back
Never want to think about the things
That happened today
Want to lay down on the warm ground
I think I'm going to need
A little time to myself

Don't fall down now
You will never get up
Don't fall down now

I ask you for a slow ride
Going nowhere
You look like Satan
You ask me if I want to get high
Couple of bags down in old town
You tie your arm and
Ask me if I wanted to drive

Don't fall down now
You will never get up
Don't fall down now

Last thing I recall
I was in the air
I woke up on the street
Crawling with my strawberry burns
Ten long years in a straight line
They fall like water
Yes, I guess I fucked up again

Don't fall down now
You will never get up
Don't fall down now

Time stops when the whispers blare
The voices drop hard, but the eyes still stare
The world resolves into a death's head grin
Because I walk with pride
with a black girlfriend

My mom said not to bring her around
Cause she's black
My Family would put her down
I'll break the white-trash ties that bind
Trade a love so pure for a hate so blind

She said- she said
Forget the fact that I don't
Look like you
She said- she said
You're possessed with a power
Bigger than the pain

Time stops when we lie so close
In my room where we share
What no one knows

From the day that we start
Until the day that we end
I know I know I know now
We will never find a place
Where we could just fit in

Me and my black girlfriend

She said- she said
Fend for yourself- you're alone
She said- she said
You are possessed with a power
Bigger than the pain

A power bigger than the pain

Heartspark Dollarsign

We have been sleeping with the lights on
Just about every night
Because we are afraid what the dark might bring
I know, I know it's just a childish fear
That grows and grows wild in the middle of me

I'm gonna get a new tattoo
Black and stretching around my arm
Like a life that is visible and real
I know, I know it's stupid and immature
I just want to give shape to the face
That twists inside
Both you and me

Breathing fire - doesn't look good on a resume
Neither does anything else we do
We got to get ready for the real world
Yeah yeah we got to grow up

You know I like to die for awhile
Everyday in the afternoon
I like to let the arms of a bar
Wrap around me tight
I'm just going to sprawl in the front booth
Big drink above my head
Cross eyes and smiling as
I watch the world
Go twisting by

I don't want to die with you,
Or live in the same dark room
I don't want to see your bloodshot eyes
No more, no more
I just want to take this girl-
All curls and big brown eyes
Man I can't take the pain
Of wanting her, needing her

I know the secret of your soul
And I just don't want to know-
Yeah, man we got to grow up

She is everywhere I am
Yeah when I don't want her to be there
I kinda want to leave in a hurry
She's walking on the city
Heavy in her monster boots

I hear her calling my name
I hide behind the people that I want to be
I hear her calling my name
I can see the future when she tells me how it's going to be

She is perpetual Kathy
All shake and happy in her brand new skin
She is perpetual Kathy
She is always the same

She is everything that I'm not
Strong and happy with the sound of the rhythm inside
I do not want to be a broken record,
But I don't want to live in the shadow of a twelve-step

I hear her calling my name
Next thing you know
I think I'll want to be a better man
I hear her calling my name
Yeah, I used to be a devil
But they never seemed to give a damn

She is perpetual Kathy
All shake and happy in her brand new skin
She is perpetual Kathy
She is always the same

She is always the same

There is this rumor about
They say you're leaving Nehalem
Ever since our baby died
You've been seen with another guy
The whole damn town is talking now
They say you're leaving Nehalem

Hey don't you want me to go?
Hey don't you want me?

They say you're losing your mind
They say you're leaving Nehalem
You know how the bad words get around
Big noise in a hard small town

Tell me if you want me to go
Just tell me if you want me

They say you're leaving Nehalem
They say you're leaving me

Yeah, I know you need to break away
I don't give a fuck about what
Those people say
I hope you find everywhere you go
All the good things that you need to know

They say you're losing your mind
They say you're leaving Nehalem
There is this rumor out
They say you're leaving Nehalem
They say you're leaving me
They say you're leaving Nehalem
I know you're leaving me
I know you're leaving Nehalem

I know you're leaving me

There is a dream I used to have
My dream swallowed me whole
There is a bridge where I hate to go
That is where I first saw her
High on the bridge
I seen her red hair shining

There is a girl- I never knew
She was my Aunt Virginia
They said that she-
She just disappeared
They said I look just like her

High on the bridge I seen her
Dancing, waving to me there
She smiled and raised her head
Then she took to the Air

There is a dream I can't escape
My memories come back to me
There is a hell I can't escape
My memories come back to me

I heard the truth about it]
Pictures and headlines hidden away
I heard the truth about my real mom
Jumping from the bridge that day

Now I know why ever since
I was 3 years old
Been having the same nightmare
Now I know the truth about Virginia
Why she took to the Air

Amanda is in love
With the sight of the moon
She's got pale green stars
In her room
Right above her bed

Put them on the ceiling
Leave on the light
When the sun goes down
Then the stars might shine

Shining in the dark

Skinny little girl in her room alone
She's got hell to spare
In her home
If you can call it a home

Doesn't want to be
Like anybody else
When no one is around
She talks to herself

I can hear her in the night

Hey- hey yeah
It's hard on a girl
When the blood won't come
When it ought to come
It's hard on a girl
When you try to walk around
On the shaky ground

Hey, hey
Daddy's going away

Scared little girl
Watching Aladdin on TV
Amanda always cries
When you yell at me

Yeah- please don't yell at me

Climb up all those stairs
Close the door
Doesn't want to
Hear us fighting anymore

Yeah, better call it a day

Hey- hey yeah
It's hard on a young girl
She thinks it's all her fault
When it all goes wrong
It's hard on a grown man too
See my baby crying at the window
Calling out my name

Hey, hey
Daddy's going away

She's got pale green stars in her room

She lost her focus yesterday
She lost her focus in the sun
She sits and stares at it for hours
She says she likes to go outside
She gets hung up on the wind
She gets lost inside the happy noise

Sometimes I don't understand her
Sometimes I don't want to
Understand her

She says no no no no
She don't want no double life
She says I should know why
She seems happier at night
Her color TV and her chemical smile

I don't want to know the reason
I don't want to know the reason why

She says
Jesus owes her money
She says
That the angels are her friends

What in the hell does that mean?

She's got the chemical smile

People you know
Try to tell you things
Bad things that you don't
Want to know about
Tell you tomorrow what
You did today
Just remember, it's a small town

It's a real small town

She gets she's tired of
All the stupid boys
She can't wait until
They're done
She wants a man who can
Take his time
She wants someone
Who can make her come

Yeah, can you make me come

You always say you want a simple life
You and me both know that you are a liar
You always say you want a simple life
Hearing you talk just makes me tired

Swim in the heavy water
Buried in the sand
Happy hearts fall from my shaky hands
I can't hide my sexual life

He always says he wants to find a special one
But you watch his head go spinning around
He really wants anyone who'll give it up
He seems to forget he's in a small town

You always say
You never fuck around
You say this town
Is just plain full of liars

Yeah you always say
You never fuck around
Hey, hearing you talk
Just makes me tired

Swimming in the heavy water
Buried the sand
Happy hearts fall from
my stupid hands
I can't hide my sexual life

My sexual life

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